WHAT IS THE MESSAGE?

The 2nd week of April 2013 was a total nightmare for me.  This was because I got the terrible news that my twin sister had to have an emergency open heart surgery for an aorta tear of 7 cm, plus the amputation of her right leg.  A total and devastating shock!  Double shock to be exact!   My initial thought:  what caused it, why, how, when?  What is your message to her, to me, to us, her siblings?

My quick and second thought was to make an appointment with my own family doctor for his opinion and to share what happened to Rita.  During my visit, my doctor drew my blood to check for certain symptoms, and then ecg. 

Following day, my doctor called to give me the result.   Thank God...no unwanted news.  Still I opted upon the doctor's advice to see a cardiologist for a better check up and consultation.  This will happen this Thursday, May 16 - a day before our birthday!

I know I need to exercise.  We have a threadmill at home, but I don't use it.  So, Rick and I started to walk half a mile since the other Sunday.  Hope to increase the length of 1 mile (I hope to keep this plan).

It's another birthday, dear God...thank you very much.  I pray for more birthdays in good health..You are a giving God...and I trust my request will be granted.  With extreme gratefulness...I know you will!

A Year-Ender Self Assessment

As saying goodbye to 2012, I thought of doing a self-assessment to welcome 2013.

MY YESTERDAY, TODAY AND TOMORROW – A year-ender self-assessment.

Anyone who says that life is a bed of roses is living a lie.  And a liar, I am not!  Truthfully, for the past many years, my life has not been a bowl of cherries either.  2012 of course added a year to my chronological age  – but I’d like to think –wiser;  a positive character trait which eluded me decades ago because I cannot “learn” to be wise without experiencing failures, disappointments and frustrations.  However, failures can be a stationary vehicle to be wise.   Like everyone else,  we all have common, happy or sad nuances  in life:  the never-ending  wheel-like highs and  lows,  the triumphant small or huge  victories,  or the ( un)accepted  defeats,  smiles of happiness or copious tears.  Concrete proofs that we are humans.

Life is how you make or play it  --someone  said.  But life must always have a balance and harmony.  Like a violin which  cannot be played to make good music unless it has five (5) strings, or a guitar without 6 strings,  or a piano without  its 88 keys, etc.  It truly is up to me to make beautiful music, no matter the circumstances.    At my age with many years behind me, I have had many colorful rainbows and  have met unexpected dark clouds of storms as well.  Both all memorable as the other.

My rainbows are the proud achievements of my grandkids and their mom’s (Anne) much sought-after school teaching abilities, my  other daughter’s (Jade) stable and good  NY job,  my  being recognized  for meeting the high  demands of my current job position (my reward is being given more and bigger job responsibilities starting next year) , of  having a rather  good health in spite of occasional physical aches felt  here and there, my  having a peaceful home and married life, and finally answered prayers bought about by strengthened  faith in God.   They complete the circle that make up my life:  family, career, health, home, and faith!

The dark storms  were of  siblings’, relatives  and friends’  death, of a couple close to me married for a long time, yet decided to separate ,  of disappointments over situations I cannot control or change even if I strongly wanted to.  But, I will patiently wait till the changes unfold the way I hoped them to be.  In these circumstances, I bow my head and still thank our great Designer as I embrace life.  I always end my prayers with thanksgiving and an earnest plea to have more rainbows than storms.  I trust He will do this for He is a generous and faithful giver!

I am impulsive in many aspects and can be  a poor judge of character at times.  There are people around me that I don’t like for no apparent reason and refuse to include them among my circle of friends.  I simply rely on gut feel which can swing both ways –to prove me right or  to prove me wrong.   Later on, I find them to be nice people after all!   Taking off my mask of pretense when dealing with them has gained me more friends at work, not because we share the same company,  but truthfully through the willful  altering of  my  attitude.      I am a person full of humor and easy to please, but conversely, I am not a pushover and can be very assertive when required to be.  However,   I have become  more insightful and discerning . I think things over before speaking out what could be  hurtful or annoying to others.   But repeated offense against me will cause a name to disappear from my thoughts and heart.

I used to be an impulsive shopper.   Money may come in fast but it flies out of my wallet faster!   But now  before letting go of my hard-earned cash or hard plastic, I ask myself first:  Do I really need this?  Can I do without it?  Will it be a wise buy? In most instances, asking these questions save me from unnecessary spending. Therefore, I resolve to always   talk to myself this way.  Uncle Sam’s current recession has not affected my job.  But it is better to  be a wise spender in 2013 and beyond.  Of course, I will continue to take care of my usual  financial responsibilities, but spending less on useless things will make saving for rainy days easier for me.

Facebook and becoming a DYCI member paved a way for me  to meet new internet friends from various places.  I have only seen their faces and “heard” their voices through FB.  A few I have had telephone conversations with.   But even if we all differ with unique natures , most of these “net” friends  share a  united purpose of supporting and loving  our favorite tandem.   The driving force of the DongYan reel and real loveteam  made me a giddy fan all over again.   I am thrilled and excited when reading, viewing, and  hearing about the “formidable union” of DD & MR.   Moreover,  being kept  abreast of  their projects and  their daily whereabouts, romantic or otherwise,  whether  true or not,  whether fact or fiction imagined by fertile minds are delightful  enough for me.      So will they soon hopefully end up with each other in marriage?  This is a 24$  question  that remains to be delightfully answered, or undecidedly  left hanging till who knows when---until the answers fall in,  everyone’s  guess  is as good as mine!

I know that the richest people are not always the happiest, and the happiest people do not always have everything they want.   Therefore,   accepting  what life has given me so far,   or what came my way –the good and not-so-good, I make the most out of them.   This includes  occasional rugged  bumps of disappointments  that I have met-- perhaps for a good purpose,    to serve as a valuable  lesson,  or perhaps  to test my soul’s strength and  limitations.  I view my jar of life as being half-full, instead of being half- empty.  I dwell not on what I have lost, but revel on what I have gained.  I will never allow the small stuff to derail my life’s direction I have charted.  Yes, life is not a bed of sweet roses, but I have managed and chose to cast these thorns aside.  New thorns may continuously pop up, but I will never tire to pick them out and throw them away.  After all, practice makes perfect!

Finally, planning is now the newest facet in my daily life because  am not  a serious planner.  I casually  just  take things and situations as they come.   So  to welcome the new year, I have made  plans for 2013.   These are  not resolutions  only  big and small  plans:    Taking a much awaited trip back to Manila for DYCI  and to bond with my remaining family there, to  shed unwanted pounds and bulges with honest determination,   to really eat healthier foods  to keep my  health in check, to save even  a small portion of my income, and  to be more active in my chosen church.  These make up my priorities.   And making them all happen is definitely up to this writer  --me!

Fast forward to my visualized ideal“ Tomorrow”.  I anxiously  look  ahead to a year that I can just relax--  travel and fly to  interesting  places with Rick and my grandkids  instead of routinary contemplating on  the waiting  tasks  at  work.   But until those relaxing- easy- days become a welcome reality,   the M-F  6:00 a.m. continuous loud ringing of my bedside alarm clock  will still be quickly pressed to abruptly silence it.  My eyes and heart will then open to welcome another challenging day and thank God for the new morning.  I  will then get ready to accept what the Great Designer  has planned for me.  It is another working day as I drive out and head to my office cubicle.  My Tomorrow is still to come, but my  “present” which is a also a gift is here to be enjoyed!   And I’ll choose to start my present with a smile so that when my Tomorrow comes, it will be ushered in filled with joyous, infectious laughter!!   I trust Him that my most awaited Tomorrow  will turn, someday, into my Present.

Health Concerns

For a long time now, I have been experiencing acid reflux or GERD.  Unfortunately, the common relief prescriptions are not exactly welcomed by my body --I have allergic reactions to them which makes me itch (but no rashes).  Finally, a liquid solution was the last prescription, which worked, but the taste is mildly unpleasant for my taste buds.

So, upon the advice of my family doctor, I underwent an endoscopy procedure today which kept me tensed since yesterday up to this morning until I was in the endoscopy center itself.  I was in at 2:00 pm and out by 4:00 pm. The preparation was longer than the procedure itself.    Thank God the whole experience was not as frightful as I imagined it might be.  

On Wednesday, I will get to know the results of what my gastro doctor "saw" inside my body.  I pray it is not that bad.

I return to work on Monday, afternoon.

I thank Him especially for this day and for  my entire 2 week vacation which will end tomorrow, Friday.

Spending a Well-Deserved Vacation

Today, is the 2nd of a 9.5 vacation days that I have scheduled for this year.  I just had to use these leaves --or lose them for good!

Many plans are written down to spend this vacation wisely: organize my recipe collections, organize my walk-in room (where I have clothes in hangers, or folded in shelves), do a winter-cleaning of my hard copy paper documents on various topics  stored  in different places inside the house, and do some travelling with Rick.

The weather on my first day vacation was not too cooperative, though.  Snow unexpectedly came yesterday, although the sun is smiling brightly today.  And when snow is all around, my interest to drive is dampened knowing the roads will be very slippery.

I loved the perfect chance to scan my FB and view what I may have missed.  Even if I log on FB daily, I don't really scan my site like a fine-tooth comb.  I read what seems interesting and ignore the rest.  Of course, I never fail to view any posts of my daughter and grandkids, and the DY group where I am the leader. 

I just viewed Migs' latest Nov. 24 piano recital. He truly amazes me because he never fails to impress me (or anyone)  each time I watch him play complicated piano pieces.  He has almost perfected the knack of piano-playing. Thank God for this talent. 

A Welcoming New Home

Gee, I like this site.  I hope to post new blogs here from hereon.

Happy Birthday, Anne!

Make A Wish On Your Birthday
Make a wish and give it wings
Dreams of bright and beautiful things
Dance through all the fun filled hours
Don't forget to smell the flowers
Share some love and birthday cake
All life joys are yours to take
And when evening comes to view
Thank your blessed stars you're you.
And then thank God, He created you!

Happy Birthday, dear Daughter!

Goodbye, Ditche!

                                                                                    November 19, 2009

Dear Diche,

How can I describe and reminisce about a wonderful sister in just a few simple words?  Not in a few words, I can't.  I can only hope that the following words will be adequate.

 

When Caying, and I were, I think,  about 9-10 years old, I remember we used to climb up into our bedroom’s high wall and peek into the living room, where you entertained your persistent suitor.   Caying and I remained quiet as we peeped and  I  recall being so amused to see your smiling, happy face  as you and your suitor joked with each other, sometimes even giggling quietly.   Your suitor was none other than Lando, who later on was to be your husband and father of your children.   Then, of course, you proved to be a steadfastly devoted wife, and a caring mother to our nieces and nephew.  I was not surprised that you became such a devoted partner and mother.

 

You did have quite a number of suitors then, and why not? Consider these: You  and kuya were the  “brainiest” both in school and in our family.  Physically, you were modest, very feminine, especially with your long hair which you always tied into a bun.  You were attractively slim, fair skinned, and, always very proper. As we say in tagalog “ di ka makakabasag pinggan”. 

 

People familiar with the “Sim” sisters said 4 of us were feisty, loquacious, and talkative…but.they also said, you were our complete opposite. 

You always laughed softly,  while the rest of us laughed loudly and boisterously.  We talked fast, oftentimes using colorful language; you spoke in a soft, mild tone, and would only gently raise your voice if extremely necessary!   Our fashion sense was geared towards what was fashionable and current style; your clothes taste was simple and ordinary, and to a certain extent, quite old fashioned. We liked attending parties; you would rather read a good book.  The list of our differences in attitude and outlook in life between you and us can go on and on and on…. You have proven true what someone said that “Sisters are different flowers from the same garden.”

During parties and gatherings, wherein you just had to be present, while the others fleeted to chat around with guests, you preferred to remain quiet and watched the happenings, and unless you were approached and greeted,  you seldom, if ever, went out of your way to start a conversation. Yet, you were not a total loner, nor a snob…you were simply timid and shy!  Of course,  you also had your own good and true friends.  But,  perhaps you just  preferred to keep a handful of  tested, quality friends.

 

When you migrated to the US, you kept in touch with us only through cards and through our eldest sister, Ate Josie, ,who was a constant traveler to the US and who became our source of news about your new life in the United States.  During those early days, there was no email for quick connections,  nor cell phones for convenient chats.    But in spite of the distance, you remained ever faithful and thoughtful—and never failed  to send special occasion cards during birthdays, Christmas, Easter, and so on. You also never forgot to find out how my own children were and what was going on with my own life.  The change in lifestyle here in the US did not prevent you from sending handwritten letters  with your familiar signature “Ditch” --as you called yourself to us– just to keep in touch and to let us know you cared!

 

During the late 90’s, I also remembered the time when you wanted to organize to clear up your patio because we were preparing for a get together where my former officemate, Frank, was invited to play the piano and provide live music.  Caying and I were there to help you carry, sort out, throw, and move packages of assorted stuff.  Funny, but you would ask Caying and me to carry certain packages up into your room, or elsewhere in your house,  or throw them out, only to find out in the end, that we were just moving the packages from one part of the house to the other because you did not seem decided to part any with the stuff. You would reason “ I still have to read that..I still have to use that…I still have to fix that…oh! I was looking for that….etc… In short, we failed to help you organize and get rid of unwanted stuff!  Finally,  we  stopped and ended up laughing with you!

 

Over the last 3-4 years, we wrote each other and exchanged classical music CDs that we both enjoyed.  You never failed to send me scribbled thank you notes when I sent you those kind of CDs.   And I honestly always thought of you, Diche, whenever I came across classical CDs,  because I knew you would be delighted to have them.  That was also my simple way to let you know that I, too, cared and wanted to share simple things with you as a reminder that I was thankful to have you as a sister.  You truly were a very understanding and generous sister in your own way.  I have experienced your giving heart on numerous occasions.  

 

Only last Thursday, November. 12, I received a letter from you along with 2 CDs of piano music.  You wrote that you knew I would like them and surely, I did!   I quickly encoded a reply to you which I was to mail the following Monday and planned to enclose 3 local CDs of Original Pilipino Music.  I wanted to tell you that, for a change, you may want to listen to something new from our local popular artists from the Philippines.   I never knew that your November 8th letter with CDs were to be your final sweet remembrances to me.  

I never guessed you would be gone so suddenly and quietly.  In fact your leaving totally shocked all of us! And even in leaving this world, you so quietly departed --as quiet as you had been in life!.

 

Typical of your nature, you probably felt pains here and there but  never complained to your children.  Again, true to your nature, you probably did not want them to fuss over you, or cause them to worry about your health----that is why you left fast with nary an advanced warning or clue! 

Ditch, I  know you are now happy to meet our dearly departed parents, Ate Josie,  and the other  dear souls who have passed on.  I  know too that you are now at peace, but will still quietly be watching over your children, grandchildren, and the rest of us, your sisters and brother,  who will immensely miss you!  Rest in everlasting peace…you are now beyond physical pains, worries, and hurts , and remember that I will always love you! 

 

This poem is for you… it speaks for all of us!

You never said "I'm leaving"
You never said goodbye
You were gone before we knew it,
And only God knew why

A hundred times we needed you,
A hundred times we will cry
If love alone could have saved you,
You never would have died

In life we loved you dearly
In death we love you still
In our hearts you hold a place,
In one corner that you fill

It broke our hearts to lose you,
But you didn't go alone
For a part of us went with you,
The day God took you home.

So long, and see you again some heavenly day! 
Your sister,
Lita